James Sirius Potter's Ultimate Humiliation
by jappy13
Summary: In response to the Ultimate Humiliation Challenge by Lady Phoenix Fire Rose. James Sirius Potter and Alison Longbottom are best friends and share everything together. But there are some experiences that are really best left unmentioned.


**Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter characters. **

**This story is in response to the Ultimate Humiliation Challenge by Lady Phoenix Fire Rose. The challenge can be found at topic/44309/63390324/1/#63399953**

**The rules for the challenge were as follows. The character given to me was James Sirius Potter.**

**1) Must have some be utterly and totally humiliated.**

**2) Your character can't be changed if you get one from me.**

**3) No double claims, so let me know what character you are using.**

**4) All entries are do by July 31st.**

**Enjoy.**

James sidled up to the corner of the corridor and surreptitiously poked his head around the corner. The darkness of the living room sent shivers down his spine and he listened with a concentrated effort to hear any sounds of movement in the room beyond.

_"It's quiet...too quiet_" he thought to himself with amusement, trying to picture himself in a Bond-esque tuxedo and holding his wand in front of him like a pistol. The James Bond movies were among some of Albus and his favourites, they had watched Goldeneye so many times that when there was nothing to do at home they sometimes even acted it out word for word. James liked to think that he had more in common with the timeless spy than just a first name.

Newham Manor had turned into a warzone. His dad's favourite chair was upturned and one of the cushions had a gigantic rip in it, spilling the white cotton contents onto the rug. Several of the pictures in the hallway were hanging off-kilter and James could see the portrait inhabitants were less than thrilled with this turn of events.

It was supposed to be a regular Weasley-Potter Sunday Lunch - an event that happened every week where all Weasleys, Potters and 'other' were invited around to the Potter's home at Newham Manor and his grandmum and his mum cooked up a buffet that would serve an army.

But today things had gotten slightly out of hand when his Uncle George and Uncle Ron had decided to debate which of them was most likely to be a jaguar if reincarnation existed. James snorted at the memory, both his uncles had insisted that they were 'stealth' and to prove it they decided to have a game of Murder in the Dark. Aunt Hermione was the one who had introduced them all to this amazing game years ago, she said that when she was younger she played it with her cousins when she was on vacation.

James struggled to believe that Aunt Hermione ever did anything so fun - she was kind of strict and radiated a sort of 'no-nonsense' atmosphere. The only times he ever saw her relax were when his Uncle Ron managed to make her laugh. Then she tended to loosen up and smile, and even James had to admit that some of her transfigurations were pretty awesome. Like that she could turn herself into an otter...that was pretty awesome. And once she turned his bedside table into a lion just like the one in the book he had been reading with her.

Still, Murder in the Dark was such an incredibly fun game and it was hard to picture Aunt Hermione playing it when she was younger. Nowadays whenever they played she was always in charge of the 'Safe House', a room where anyone who had been too spooked during the game, or was 'murdered' during play, went and spent the rest of the game in the well-lit room waiting for everyone else to finish.

James spun around as he heard movement down the other end of the corridor, and crouched low pointing his wand. Although he had only finished his first year at Hogwarts and technically wasn't allowed to use magic over the summer holidays, his Uncle George had let slip the fact that in a place like Newham Manor where there were so many magical artifacts and so much magic already in use, the Ministry didn't really have any way to detect whether or not underage wizards were using magic. James hadn't let his parents know that he knew this loophole yet...he knew that once he let that kneazle out of the bag he'd never forgive himself because without doubt his mum and dad would confiscate his wand or something. No, he'd let that particular nugget of information stay between him and his uncle.

He sighed and relaxed his shoulders when he realised that the movement at the end of the corridor was just his best friend Alison Longbottom. The young red-headed witch crept towards him with a grin and a finger to her lips.

"I got Aunt Ginny!" she told him in a whisper, obviously excited that she had been able to bring down his mother who was infamous for her quick reflexes in games such as these.

James cracked a grin in response. Alison and he had started Hogwarts together at the beginning of the year and almost instantly had become inseparable when both were sorted in Gryffindor. He hadn't known Ali well before he went to Hogwarts, having only met her at the Ministry of Magic functions that his dad and her dad sometimes dragged him along to, or at dinner parties where everyone was expected to be on their 'best behaviour' which usually meant his mum kept a keen eagle eye on him whenever he so much as scratched his nose.

However he and Ali had soon bonded over chocolate frogs and some muggle candy that he had smuggled into Hogwarts in his suitcase. His dad loved the jelly beans that he got from a small muggle candy store in central London, particularly because every flavour was guaranteed to be delicious rather than pot-luck. James had a special fondness for the liquorice flavoured black beans, and it turned out Ali liked every colour except the black, so naturally they joined forces as they spent those first few nights in the common room with the other Gryffindors trading stories and coming to terms with living away from home.

Alison had red hair, just like his mother. Also like his mother Ali had a quick temper and an even quicker wit, and James and Ali had great fun trading insults and quips between each other. She also had a very creative imagination, which when paired with James' innate talent for mischief had resulted in an unstoppable duo within the walls of Hogwarts. James and Ali had already clocked up almost as many detentions as his famous Uncle George had with his brother Fred. And James hadn't missed the approving winks from his uncles George and Ron either, and the anonymous box of prank supplies that had somehow turned up in his dormitory had helped quite a bit too.

Of course, his uncles would never confess to aiding James in his quest to live up to his name because they were too afraid of his mother. Still, James was determined to fulfil what he believed was his destiny - because being named after two of The Marauders he knew he was destined to be one of the greatest pranksters that had ever roamed the halls of Hogwarts. His mum wasn't too keen on his life's aspiration - but then he figured his grandmum probably hadn't been too keen on his mum jetting off to the Caribbean with his dad to get married in a secret wedding away from wizarding society either, so who was she to throw stones in a glass house...or whatever the saying was.

Alison had now reached him, and using hand signals that they had developed during their nights spent discovering the hidden secrets of Hogwarts she indicated that there was someone hidden behind the fireplace screen. He nodded, and together they silently crept into the room toward the fireplace, ready to pounce on whoever was behind the tapestry of a wreath of figs and flowers.

They crouched on either side of the room, Alison with the black leather sofa at her back and James carefully sidestepping the piles of dvds surrounding their television. The Family Clock that hung above the fireplace and gave the status of all the members of the Potter Clan faintly hummed with magic and softly glowed in the dim lighting. Looking over at Alison he shared a quick glance, took a breath and readied himself to tackle the unknown relative...

CRASH

A heavy force landed on top of him, and he was thrown into the fireplace headfirst. He heard a yelp from Alison behind him as he inhaled a mouthful of soot and woodchips. Thankfully the fireplace coals were spelled to be harmless to touch - an invaluable spell in a household with three rowdy young children under the age of 12.

James stood up, covered in soot and trying to clear his mouth of dry dust, and turned around. His father was doubled over behind him in laughter and his Uncle Ron appeared from behind the tapestry grinning widely. James punched his father in the stomach half-heartedly and put his hands up in mock surrender. Alison was laughing at him as well, and he supposed he did look quite the picture as he stood there covered in soot from head to toe.

He smiled, and his father took out his wand and cast a cleaning spell on him...before putting him in a headlock and giving his hair an affectionate ruffle. His dark hair wasn't quite as black as his fathers, his seemed to have a slightly auburn sheen to it which he had inherited from his red-headed relatives. In fact, he didn't look much like his father at all. He had his mother's brown eyes, didn't need spectacles, and when he compared himself to his father's old school photographs he was thankful he hadn't inherited his dad's small stature either.

But he liked to think that he'd inherited some of his father's courage, and hopefully, maybe, some of his magical talent.

...

Later that night, as the adults gathered in the family room around a comfortable fireplace to reminisce about the 'old days' and share stories about the things their kids had been up to at home, James crept down the stairs, making sure to skip the 5th step which his mother had charmed to creak (as if he wouldn't be able to work that out!) and crept into the room in which he knew Ali was staying. She was spending a few weeks at his house, and for the second half of the holidays he was hoping his parents would let him go over to her house if he behaved.

He opened the door quietly and Ali turned on the bedside lamp. In her lap she had a photo album that James recognised from being from his dad's study. He sat on the bed and broke one of the chocolate bars that Ali had hidden under the mattress in half. Glancing down at the album he recognised his father and uncles in the pictures. Some had been taken at Hogwarts with the students all in their black robes, his father quite obviously smaller than everyone else. James smirked, his younger brother Albus seemed to have inherited that trait, and James took great pleasure in using his size to his advantage when they wrestled.

Some of the pictures looked like they had been taken at his grandmum and grandpop's old house, "The Burrow" which he knew from the stories had been a kind of haven during the Second War, but had been burnt down sometime during the war although James didn't know the details and didn't like to ask because it would bring a look into his parents' eyes that seemed somehow haunted, and usually his mum would then walk into a different room, or start cleaning dishes furiously, and his father would just close his lips in a tight line and his fists would curl, and neither would be able to be roused from their thoughts for the next few hours.

Ali stopped at one picture that seemed to just be a bunch of trees and was studying it closer. James brought his head forward too, trying to work out what was so interesting about the edge of a forest. He recognised those woods, they were on the outskirts of the forbidden forest at Hogwarts. The two trees that twined together with spiky tendrils that seemed to crawl along the ground were instantly recognisable.

Ali pointed at something beyond the treeline, and James looked closer still. There seemed to be something moving behind the trees. What was most bizarre was that if you really looked closely it looked like the shape of a car.

He squinted his eyes trying to make out the shape better, the object appearing and disappearing behind the dark forest trees. Ali looked up at him, eyes gleaming.

"My dad told me this story the other week, about how your father and your Uncle Ron once tried to drive in a flying car to Hogwarts!" she said in a rush. "I wanted to see if I could find any evidence, because that would be so cool, and I think this is it. I think that looks like a car there, don't you?"

James looked closer at the hidden shape. It really did look like car he had to admit.

He looked back up at Ali.

"Cool"

Ali smiled broadly, and then narrowed her eyes in the way which James knew meant there was an idea brewing. He loved moments like this. Between Ali's imagination and his creativity they could come up with the most brilliant plans.

"Doesn't your dad's car have that button that you're not allowed to touch?" Ali asked him.

James smirked, yes. Yes his father's car _did_ have a button that was, under no circumstances, allowed to be touched, but that just _screamed_ to be tried and tested.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking" he asked her, eyes bright with excitement to match her own.

"I think I am B2" she said with a laugh - she and James had spent a whole month at Hogwarts citing Muggle cartoons and calling each other B1 and B2 had given them endless laughs because the majority of the wizarding world knew nothing about pop culture references, and the Banana's In Pyjamas nicknames were one of their favourites. Especially because it usually signalled an adventure was about to begin.

...

Ali and James crept down the hallway, holding their shoes in the hands so that they made less noise with their socks and feet on the floor.

James crept by the kitchen, fetching the spare key from above the refrigerator - he knew his mum kept it underneath the little statue of a mermaid.

The pair quietly opened the door to the garage, and then proceeded to unlock the doors to the family's green Ford. James took the driver's seat, sitting proudly behind the wheel and feeling the steering wheel in his hands. He pretended to fiddle with the car radio buttons while he took some calming breaths. He had actually never driven a car, despite boasting about it at school. If you believed his stories at Hogwarts he had basically been brought up behind the wheels of a Porsche, and of course it wasn't hard to convince people when you had one of the most famous dads in all of England.

Ali took the passenger seat and closed the door quietly. She was flushed with excitement, and despite both of them being in their pyjamas and dressing gowns, they felt like modern day gangsters with what they were about to do.

After all, if his dad had gotten away with it when he was his age, then it wasn't like he could tell James off was it? That would be hypocritical.

James knew that _if_ he was caught...and he didn't let himself linger on the possibility for long...but _if_ he were caught he would be in a huge amount of trouble. His parents would probably ban him from leaving the house for the next millennium.

Even so, the temptation to start the car proved too great and he put the key in the ignition and turned it. The car started without any problems, and although it sounded incredibly loud to James' ears he knew it probably wasn't that loud in reality. Ali leaned over to touch the button on the dashboard that would open the garage door, and James put the car into reverse like he had seen his parents do so many times before, and tried to back the car out the driveway.

It wasn't _quite_ as easy as he had anticipated. But he doubted the letterbox would dent the car terribly, and he planned to blame it on a stray quaffle tomorrow when his parents noticed that the letterbox was somewhat bent out of shape.

He managed to back the car down the long driveway of the Manor, through the gates and out onto the country road.

The Manor was situated in a wide open area of land towards the south of England, near Cornwall. And James thanked his lucky stars that this was the case, because it meant he had quite a stretch of road to get his bearings behind the wheel without worrying about running into other people's houses.

Ali gave a big 'whoop' out the window as he started to increase the speed of the car. And soon they were driving along a long country road in the moonlight. He laughed, and then turned his mind to the true mission of this trip. To find out what the purple button on the dashboard did that was so dangerous.

His hope, and Ali's theory, was that the button would engage the levitating spells that were on most wizarding-muggle hybrid cars, and that by pressing it they would take off into the night sky and be able to reach the clouds.

Beyond that, neither of them really had any concrete plan. He couldn't actually think of any place he actually wanted to drive to, but decided that he knew the general route to go towards London and that seemed to give him at least some sense of direction.

Alison's finger was now hovering around the little button, and James gave a big nod, not willing to take his eyes off the road he was driving on. The next thing he knew the car gave a huge shudder and then started coughing. Not long after that, his foot still on the pedal, the car began to start to lift up into the air.

He grinned. They were flying! This was undoubtedly the coolest thing ever! A flying car!

He had a closer look at the dashboard now that he didn't have a road to concentrate on, and found a button that said AUTOMATIC. He pressed it, and instantly felt the pressure of the pedal change. He tested it by cautiously lifting his foot off the pedal, and found that the car seemed to have a self-driving mechanism.

He grinned again at Alison, who simply laughed and stuck her head out of the window to whoop at the lights far below. He followed suit, and sticking his head out the window felt the cold rush of air around him before looking down towards the ground and seeing the specks of lights that represented houses and cars.

This was _so_ awesome!

...

After a while he and Alison had settled into the back seat, where they found it much more comfortable, while the car kept driving along at its own pace. They had found a pack of cards and were playing Exploding Snap while sharing a packet of fizzing whizzbees they had found stuffed between the seat upholstery. Ali had found a couple of CDs and had put on some music that had been in the player.

James glanced out the window, and noted with surprise that the lights below were growing more dense.

"I think we must be reaching London" he said over his shoulder to Ali.

She rose onto her knees and looked out too at the sights below.

"Okay. What do we do now?" she asked him.

He didn't reply. He hadn't really planned further than getting the keys in the ignition. He thought it was an awesome prank to steal the car and take it for a spin, but he didn't really have any particular goal in mind.

"How about we just cruise about London, maybe take a trip to McDonalds, and then head home?" he said, not really sure what the best way would be to return, or even if he would be able to find a route back home at all.

Ali nodded and they crawled back into the front seats while James turned the Automatic setting off and took control of the steering again.

Immediately he regretted it. The wind over London was somewhat stronger than it had been back home, and he could feel the car getting buffeted around. He tried to keep the car going in a straight line but was finding it difficult with the wind attacking them from all directions.

Ali screamed as the car did a slight nose-dive before James righted it again. He smiled at her, trying to hid the fact that he was actually quite worried about how to handle the car now they above central London with gale force winds on either side of them.

Actually, he was close to panicking.

He tried to take in a deep breath and keep a hand on the steering wheel, struggling against the pull of the jolting gusts.

And then he realised where they were heading.

"JAMES!" Ali screamed as she saw what was ahead of them too. "JAMES SIRIUS POTTER! IYOU'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR BIG BEN!" she yelled.

As if he couldn't work that out for himself.

He tried to turn the wheel, but it seemed to be locked in place and he had no idea what to do. He searched for anything on the dashboard that might give him a clue, but nothing stood out as a means to rescue.

He tried the wheel again, painfully aware of the gigantic clock face coming towards them.

SMASH

The Ford hit the face of Big Ben, coming to a stop beneath the hour hand. James and Ali uncovered their hands from their faces and stared around them, James felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and was beginning to feel extremely sick at the thought of what he had just done.

He had just stolen his dad's car and crashed it into one of Britain's most famous icons.

His dad was going to _kill_ him!

He looked behind at the rear of the car. It seemed as if it really was stuck fast underneath the giant metal hand. The clock seemed to be pointing at the two on the clock face, and glancing at his watch he could see it was only a quarter past two in the morning.

That meant, assuming his parents woke up at their normal time, that the two of them would be stuck here on the face of Big Ben until about eight o'clock.

_Great_ he thought miserably.

He looked over at Ali. She looked kind of green, and he suddenly felt incredibly guilty for bringing her along. After all, he was a whole month older than her, and he was the 'man' in this situation, so shouldn't he do something heroic?

And his father _was_ one of the greatest wizarding heroes, so shouldn't that mean it was his duty too?

He began to feel quite clammy, and felt himself becoming short of breath. He forced himself to take several deep breaths, in...out...in...out...in...out...until he felt calm enough to reassess the situation.

He sighed, grabbed Ali's hand and gave it a squeeze before clambering back into the back of the car. The car had somehow landed only slightly off at an angle so he was able to sit in the back seat reasonably comfortably with gravity.

"Well, it looks like we're going to be stuck here until dawn hey? May as well get ourselves settled until our parents send out the search parties" he said, faking the bravado in his voice.

Ali nodded, still silent and pale, and climbed into the back seat with him.

After a couple more games of Exploding Snap she seemed to have relaxed and the two of them settled into the seats to wait out the rest of the night.

...

A few hours later James realised that all the heroic stories he read about survivors in earthquakes and prisoners who suffered years in tiny cells all skipped past some of the key facts.

He was hungry, thirsty, and he _really_ had to go the toilet.

They had finished their sweets long ago, and had tired of cards not long after that.

Now the two young Gryffindors were sitting in the back seats of the Ford, still wedged underneath the hour hand of Big Ben, and their outlook of their situation had drastically changed.

Before it had seemed like another adventure. Sure, they were stuck and they were going to be grounded for life once their parents found out what had happened, but at the start it was kind of funny. After all, how many times can you say you've been stuck on top of Big Ben in your life.

Now it really wasn't funny. They were cold. They were hungry. They were tired. They were thirsty. And they needed to pee.

And it was this last point which James was finding the most difficult to manage.

And it was this last point which would lead James to take part in what would be the most humiliating moment of his life.

...

James uncrossed and crossed his legs, shifting around in the seat once more. By his watch it was six thirty in the morning, so surely they only had to wait another hour or so before someone came looking for them?

He wasn't sure if he would make it that long though. He _really_ had to go to the toilet. He cursed himself. He cursed his bladder. And most of all he cursed all the stories he had _ever_ read about adventurers and explorers, because _never_ in any of his books had anyone mentioned the need for a convenient location to do one's business.

He glanced over at Alice. She seemed to have dozed off, her breathing was deep and regular.

He shut his eyes, willing himself to think of dry things...deserts, unbuttered toast, overcooked lamb...but it didn't help.

He _really_ had to go to the toilet.

...

Seven o'clock.

James glanced at Alice once more. She was still dozing in the seat. He looked out the window. The sun had come up and the morning traffic was beginning to fill up the streets below.

This was ridiculous. He was an eleven year old boy. Nearly a teenager! Surely he should be able to control his bladder!

But he knew he was close to the end of his tether. He knew he could only hold on so long.

And the question became whether he should pre-empt it, or whether he just surrendered and did the unthinkable.

He was nearly twelve for goodness sake!

He was breathing deeply now. Deep and controlled breaths. Control. That was the key here. He needed to stay in control.

He felt a spasm in his lower abdomen, and clenched his fists and toes in pain. This was truly the most horrible thing that had ever happened to him. He shut his eyes tightly wishing that something would happen which would make this all just go away.

Nothing happened.

And he was getting closer and closer to the brink of losing control.

He glanced around the car desperately.

And then he saw it.

An empty coke bottle.

Could he? Could he really do that? Wouldn't that be just unspeakable, unthinkable? Who lowers themselves to _that_?

He swallowed hard as he felt another sharp pain in his lower abdomen. This was getting desperate. And didn't he read somewhere that your bladder can actually _burst_ if you hold it in for too long?

What was worse?

He glanced at Alice one last time. It still seemed like she was sleeping.

He decided to risk it.

Trying to make as little noise as possible he leaned over and reached out for the coke bottle. He undid the lid, and found that now that he had settled on a plan his bladder was screaming at him in a hundred different languages.

Still cautiously trying to keep quiet he shifted his body away from Alison towards the window.

Relief.

Oh. Sweet Merlin.

James sighed deeply as he felt his bladder empty, he felt the searing pains he had been feeling fade away. He closed his eyes and tried to block out all the humiliating thoughts that were going around his head. He tried to concentrate simply on the sheer bliss of removing the agonising cramps in his stomach as his bladder emptied.

Oh.

Sweet, sweet relief.

James felt the last few drops empty out into the bottle and then opened his eyes.

And suddenly he wished he had just let himself die.

He felt like throwing up.

Alison was staring, wide eyed, at him in horror. Her cheeks were blazing red, and he felt his heat up in response. He could feel his ears burn, and he felt the burning blush spread down his neck.

Oh god. If he could just melt into the ground right now.

He stared back at Ali. Speechless.

What could he say? Nothing could take back what she had just seen.

And just then, all his nightmares seemed to collide in one colossal wreck.

Because behind Alison he suddenly realised that there was another car hovering in the air. And in that car his mum and dad, and his grandmum, were all staring at him with looks of horror not dissimilar to the one on Alison's face.

It was quite obvious that they had had the privilege of the show as well.

His mum and dad looked livid. His grandmum just looked like she was about to burst into laughter.

And Alison looked like she was going to puke.

...

Alison never mentioned that morning ever again.

And thankfully his parents never mentioned it either. He was grounded for most of the following year, and because his Aunt Hermione taught at Hogwarts he noticed that he seemed to be on probation even within the castle walls.

But nobody ever mentioned the unspeakable coca cola bottle.

He had carried it in his lap, with the lid tightly screwed on, all the way back to Newham Manor in the backseat of the white car his father had driven in search of him. His had felt his ears burning the entire way.

Nobody had said a word.

Instead, Alison had stared straight ahead rigidly. She had also inched her way closer towards his grandmum's side of the car, making as much room between them as possible.

And he had sat there, wallowing in humiliating misery the entire drive home.

When they had finally reached Newham Manor he had meekly climbed out of the car, and when his mum had pointedly looked at the garbage bin on the back steps he had made his way over there and dropped the shameful evidence in the bin.

And then he had spent the rest of the summer in his room, emerging only for meals and bathroom breaks.

Alison had been sent home in disgrace.

And when they returned to Hogwarts neither could meet each others eyes as they sat in the common room that first night.

...

James thanked his stars he had friends like Alison Longbottom in the world. Despite the rocky start to the year...and the unspeakable act that would forever remain unspoken... he had spent the second half of the year back on terms with his red-headed friend. They had once again raided the kitchens, made friends with the elves, and discovered no less than two new secret passages that they couldn't wait to tell his Uncle George about when they got home.

And with all of their adventures it was easy to forget about times past that were best left unmentioned.

Although, neither Alison Longbottom nor James Sirius Potter ever drank Coca Cola again.


End file.
